On night two of my Lenten soda stoppage, I decided to stop at Wawa for a sandwich on my way home from class (chicken steak with roasted pepper, spinach, olive oil, garlic and oregano, for those who were wondering) and chose to pair it with an 8 oz. bottle of milk. Just regular-ass 2 percent milk.
Later on the drive home, I was talking on the phone with Miss Kazblog, and the subject of my drink selection came up because I bring a lot to the table. When she found out I'd had milk with dinner, she said something along the lines of "'Oh yeah, I'm an adult,'" in an attempt to mock my choice. I can't remember exactly what she said, though, because the moment has been blurred by rage.
Forget the war on Christmas or the war on drugs or the war on Nickelback. There is a war on milk, and I must stand in milk's defense.
Seriously, look at this shit. It is downright remarkable how far the pendulum of public perception has swung the other way on milk.
A large majority of this can be considered backlash to the remarkably successful "Got Milk?" campaign that started in the mid-90's, making milk mustaches as popular as...well, I guess as popular as a creamy, white mustache can be. The campaign solidified milk's place in a healthy diet as a key supplier of calcium and protein.
Of course, as is often the case particularly in dietary science, new research indicates that not only does milk not provide nutrients to humans in a way that we can digest and absorb appropriately, but it could be BAD FOR YOU.
So let's take a look at most of the major arguments against milk:
It doesn't build strong bones. Calcium does not improve bone density, which was a major selling point of milk during its mustachioed heyday. Which, OK, sure. But what if it just, like, tastes good?
It's got a lot of sugar in it, and a lot of saturated fat. Both of these things, in excess, are bad for you, as are sodium, carbohydrates, and even "good" stuff like iron and fiber. However, the sugar in milk is naturally occurring, so maybe that's not as bad for you. Also, the scientific tide has begun to turn in favor of saturated fat again - though whether that's based on a push from the butter lobby (BIG BUTTER) is anybody's guess. Either way, there is no denying the fact that fat and sugar, while not great in large quantities, do make milk taste good.
Excessive consumption can cause cancer. This puts milk up there with literally everything. Remember when the World Health Organization allegedly said that red meat was on the same level as cigarettes in terms of its ability to cause cancer? Turns out that was slightly overblown. Like red meat, milk shouldn't be consumed by the trough or anything because - like damn near everything in life - too much of it is no good. It is tempting to consume too much milk, though, because it tastes so good.
Humans are the only mammals that drink milk after infancy/childhood. This one is incredibly popular on Facebook and a great way to get me good and mad early in the morning. We're also the only mammals with chins, so guess it's time to hack those cancer-causing anthropocentrism lumps right off! Based on my 20-second research, baleen whales are the only mammals with two blowholes - the hell do they need that second one for? They'd better cut that shit out, unless they're using the second blowhole to consume milk.
In any other area of the ecosystem, the "only animal that does X" is a natural wonder. When it's humans drinking milk, it's an indictment on the species. Humans are also the only mammals to invent irrigation and the printing press, which we did with the extra brainpower we got from MILK, which tastes good.
Lots of people are lactose intolerant. So...those people probably shouldn't drink milk. The same way people who are allergic to shellfish shouldn't, you know, eat shellfish, or the way my lily white self shouldn't spend a ton of time in the sun. For those of us who are not lactose intolerant, though, this particular issue isn't a concern - if milk is consumed in moderation! - which is good on account of how good milk tastes.
Save the calves! Listen, if you have a moral or religious opposition to drinking milk, that's fine. I'm not here to argue on behalf of dairy farmers or questionable animal care practices. I will say that milk is most likely not the most egregious example of animal cruelty, though. I will also say that milk tastes pretty good, and if you decide to ignore your moral compass down the road, you won't be disappointed by milk.
Eliminating milk will make you feel better. Here's the thing: I don't doubt this at all. I'm sure if I stopped eating all milk, cheese, yogurt and ice cream, I'd probably get sick less or lose 10 pounds, or both. Conversely, most of the time, I feel fine eating a cup of greek yogurt daily or having a small glass of milk with my Sunday breakfast, or cooking pancakes or other baked goods with milk.
Maybe I'd feel better if I didn't, but is it worth the trade off of not having milk anymore? My health would also probably improve if I completely eliminated alcohol, but that sure as hell ain't happening. There is a health benefit I don't reap by keeping milk and alcohol in my diet; on the other hand, someone who doesn't like milk and doesn't drink at all might love Doritos or Sweet Tarts, two items I have much less of a problem passing on. People who prefer to work out three times a day and eat nothing but tree bark probably get some sort of utility out of being a world-class beacon of health that I simply don't.
Maybe you're the type of person who feels stuffy all the time. Cutting dairy out of your diet could work wonders for you! On the other hand, someone like me might be better served health-wise by cutting down the soda or eating more spinach. It's entirely up to the individual person.
It makes sense, given how prominently milk was advertised as a health food, that the shock of these new anti-dairy scientific revelations has been interpreted as "NEVER DRINK MILK AGAIN EVER." I think it was Isaac Newton who once posited,
In fact, you'll be better than OK, because you'll be drinking milk. And milk tastes damn good.
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