2016 is going to be a
fun test for Eagles fans.
Chip Kelly is gone, run
out of town before this past season could even end. The goodwill he built up
after two 10-6 seasons was all spent thanks to an offeason power play that led
to him assuming the role of general manager and making some questionable (read:
wrong) personnel decisions. His coaching became uninspired and predictable –
whether this was a result of his bad roster moves or other teams catching on to
his once-revolutionary schemes depends on how much slack you’re willing to cut
him.
He was arrogant. He
thought he was smarter than he was. His college system was never going to work
in the “National. Football. League.” He was kind of a dick to his players.
Whether you believe all, some, or none of these things (I believe #2 and #4 –
and a little bit of #1, but all NFL
coaches are pretty arrogant to a degree), they’re all arguments made by Eagles
fans to justify Kelly’s ouster.
It also made us
nostalgic for Andy Reid, a lovable walrus who is also the best coach in Eagles
history. Reid’s Kansas City Chiefs are currently in the playoffs, and they even
won a game this postseason, something the Eagles haven’t done since Reid guided
them to the NFC title game in 2009. Suddenly, that whole “grass is greener”
thing seems to be coming true.
And thus, we have Doug
Pederson.
If you’re not familiar
with Doug Pederson, congratulations! This means you’re a regular, functioning
human being with a healthy interest in football, as opposed to the obsessive nutjob you’d need to have in order to know who Doug f***ing Pederson is. (Two thumbs pointing at this guy) Eagles fans remember Doug from his time mentoring Donovan McNabb/getting the
snot beaten out of him during Reid’s first year with the Birds. Since then, his
NFL jobs have come while attached to Reid’s hip, including positions as quarterbacks coach and "offensive quality control" in Philadelphia and his current role as the offensive coordinator in
Kansas City.
Well, actually, “offensive
coordinator” is a fairly liberal use of the term for Pederson – he’s not actually in charge of the offense, nor does he call any plays. Reid says that
Pederson has “input” into the offensive game plan and “sometimes takes over the
play calling,” which is like handing your brother the controller in Mario Kart only after he complains for
twenty minutes, and only after you have an insurmountable lead.
But Pederson is part of
the fairly-successful Reid coaching tree, and presumably won’t cause problems with the front
office the way Kelly did. Put another way, Pederson will most likely do damn
near anything owner Jeffrey Lurie and general manager/corporate shill Howie
Roseman want, mostly because Pederson is just so darn pleased as punch to even
be thought of, by golly. “Well, call me a gigglin’ piggy, because I’m just
tickled pink that someone’s talking to me! Talking to people is nice! I don’t
do it much.”
Meanwhile, Chip is off
to San Francisco to see if he can revive the career of Sad Colin Kapernick or
Maybe Actually Not Terrible Blaine Gabbert (he really needs to get a better
nickname). And if Kelly turns the 49ers around this season or next, it’s going
to look awful bad for the Eagles.
Lurie fired Kelly with
a game left to go this season because he wanted to get a head start on the
coaching search. So it’s a little weird that the guy they wound up with is
someone who, by all accounts, has received no other interest from any other
team in the league. No one else interviewed Pederson this year. No one.
Several teams, however,
did interview some of the bigger names on the coaching market, as did the
Eagles. Presumably, since they started their coaching search before most other
teams, the Eagles would have had pole position on this crop of candidates. Let’s
see how it worked out, Johnny!
Hue Jackson – The Eagles never interviewed him. He signed with the
Cleveland Browns, a festering cesspool that employs football players and hasn’t
been to the playoffs since 1923.
Adam Gase – The Eagles had an eight-hour interview with the “quarterback
guru” Gase, supposedly liked him a lot, but didn’t offer him a deal. The
Dolphins did.
Bob McAdoo – Essentially the same type and caliber of coach as
Gase, the Eagles interviewed him too, but he stayed with the Giants.
Sean McDermott - Just kidding! The Eagles never interviewed McDermott, which makes sense because whenever you have the chance to talk to the coordinator of one of the best defenses in the league, you need to completely ignore him. Of course, the Eagles have some history with McDermott, having fired him as their defensive coordinator years ago so they could replace him with an offensive line coach, which...hm...you know, actually, Andy Reid was pretty dumb sometimes.
Tom Coughlin – For some reason, the rebuilding Eagles wanted to
hire a 69 year old Super Bowl-winning head coach who has no incentive to go
anywhere he isn’t paid like royalty and given a roster that could make the
playoffs. Lurie didn’t even get a chance to turn him down; Coughlin took his
name out of the running, supposedly because he had concerns about the Eagles staff structure.
Oh yeah, speaking of
the staff structure, it’s probably important to note that the Eagles don’t
officially have a general manger right now since they fired Kelly, the
coach/GM/snack nazi. This could mean that Roseman, who sucks, could become GM
again, or that the Eagles think hiring a coach before hiring a GM is a good
idea (it’s not), or that Lurie and his staff honestly don’t know what they’re
doing and nothing makes sense and everything is getting all blurry and...*passes out*
Of course, these
decisions could be part of some grand, elaborate scheme. Maybe giving
themselves extra time to survey the coaching landscape led the Birds to realize
that none of the big names were worth signing, so they tried for a diamond in
the rough with Pederson. Maybe they knew Coughlin wasn’t going to sign with
them and just wanted to pick his brain. Maybe the same could be said for Gase
and McAdoo. Maybe the Eagles know who their GM is already and know that he/she
is cool with Pederson as coach.
Maybe it’s all part of
the plan. But we just got done with a coach who asked us to believe that all
his crazy, nontraditional decisions were going to work out, and we didn’t like
him. Just because he got fired doesn’t mean the people who fired him know any
better.
And I swear to God, if Chip Kelly makes Colin Kaepernick good again...
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